Ann's News

Fighting the Urges for Fleshly Control

My greatest challenge to walking in faith is the constant urge to take control when things aren’t happening the way I want them to…or as quickly as I wish they would. Perhaps this is harder still for the stubborn; type A personality peeps like yours truly.  In the past, I have always found myself getting to a point where I…well, I guess lost faith and gave in to the fleshly desire to have control. I would end up doing things I really didn’t want to do, but felt I had to. Over and over, taking control, always led me to being unhappy, miserable and depressed.

Following the calling on your life is far from easy.  As a matter of fact, it’s downright difficult. I’ve had to let go of control, my will, self-pity, excuses, blame, expectations, judgment and ego – I have to forgive, accept and give freely and constantly. Thankfully, all of that gets easier and easier as my faith grows and I gain the strength, grace, and righteousness provided by God.

I definitely need that strength because I’ve encountered people who intentionally and unintentionally will apply pressure and try to get me to do something different…if only for a “short” time. They’ll want me to do what they think is for the best.  They don’t understand the force that leads the way for my life.

While talking with mom last Sunday on Mother’s Day – she made the comment “We live in a material world.” It’s a true statement and this statement is what at previous times led me to doing things I didn’t actually want to do, but felt I had to do. Let’s face it; we all feel intense pressure to be financially stable and mature adults. It’s tough to not feel embarrassed and even ashamed at times for being constantly broke and not be able to always provide for myself or to give gifts, attend events and participate in certain things because I can’t afford to. But then I remember a few major and incredibly important factors:  I AM HAPPY. I am following the calling on my life. I am pursuing my dreams. I am no longer depressed and in incredible pain. Minus being broke and sometimes feeling like I’m marching time; my life is very amazing.

God’s Will for my life will lead to prosperity and abundance – I just don’t know when. While in the past I lost faith and took control; I am not doing it again this time. To a lot of people this is insane and perhaps even viewed as irresponsible. Trust me, I know…I hear that voice (which thankfully is getting quieter and quieter) as well, so I keep praying.  I don’t ask why, I don’t ask how, I don’t ask when – I simply ask for the promises written in the Word of God.

So many people wish they could do what they love to do with their lives, yet only a few truly follow it with full convictions and accept the growth, sacrifices and difficulties it actually requires. Quotes are constantly circulated on Facebook, and twitter and videos are made about this subject, and they all sound wonderful and yet, only a few go all the way.

You can’t go all the way on your own and having faith when you see no results, no hint whatsoever that your prayers are being answered requires undying devotion. Although it does often seem like my prayers aren’t being answered; they are because I always feel the strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Yesterday morning I was faced with a decision which initially brought me to tears. In my eyes, it didn’t need to be the way it was being presented but then an image flashed into my mind and I was immediately at peace and given the right answer for what I needed to do. Yes, I wanted things to line up the way I wanted them to however, when you tell God you are here to serve Him; He will use you and that probably means things are going to line up much differently than you initially imagined. But let me tell you something; I will take peace over getting my way, everyday of the week and twice on Sunday.

God has changed me and I know he is still working in my life. I love who I have become and I know I will love what he ultimately has in store for me. All He keeps asking is to trust Him and to keep having faith. To not listen to my fleshly need to have control, no matter how uncomfortable my flesh actually gets.