This morning was incredible, so much so that I broke down into tears of joy then wrote this entry into my journal because I knew I would write this post…however, even more amazing things happened after writing this post in the my journal. Let me start with my journal entry:
God knows what’s best. God knows what will make you the happiest. His plan for your life is filled with so much more glory and joy than you can imagine.
I wake up now every day happy and excited. Filled with hope, joy and peace. I’m still broke and I still have problems but none of that is for me to worry about; all I need to do is keep being happy, grateful and filled with faith. God will take care of it all. Yes, I am still taking responsibility for what needs to be done so please, do not confuse my faith and what I’m saying for throwing my cares and responsibilities aside – it is the worrying about it that I’m casting aside. I’m attuned to God’s timing, not mine. I wait, pray and obey the guidance from the Holy Spirit.
Once I started my entrepreneurial journey it took over my life. It further alienated me from my family, started me down a road of yo-yo dieting again and weight gain and it lead me to becoming completely broke and losing my townhouse. However, it also taught me some valuable lessons, made me start to trust people more and ask for help. It lead me to experience betrayal, and numerous failures which than lead me to learn the true meaning of forgiveness, humility, letting go, perseverance and the power of dreams. All along I was talking with God, my ego was, so I was closed off to His ability to intervene. That did not however stop him from still working in my life, although I couldn’t see it, and because I didn’t feel God’s presence; I often found myself in great pain, suffering and depressed.
Eventually my journey took me to pursuing the man I thought was my soulmate and perhaps he was, which is why, the relationship and eventual hurt and pain of it ending finally tore apart my ego and lead me to God broken and in pieces. Kneeling before Him, finally ready to let go, ready to admit I couldn’t do it on my own and fully ready to surrender my will completely to Him.
Of course the ego wants to hang on and the devil went on the attack to hang on to me so I had some setbacks however, I knew now how freeing and amazing it was to walk with God so I kept reconnecting to Him over and over again. He kept welcoming me back.
I thought He would open up the doorways to realizing my successes in my entrepreneurial endeavors – but months have kept going by and nothing has happened. I exhausted time and energy creating new possibilities for Him to work through…egotistical ignorance on my part; God doesn’t need that, so not shocking nothing happened with those either. However, I wouldn’t get discouraged, angry or mad anymore. I just kept on praying.
What I was hearing was this: Keep Training. Stay on your diet. Get rest. Finish school. Get ready to compete. That was all that was being asked of me. Of course, since I couldn’t/can’t afford to just do that I kept trying to find ways to make money. The same message kept coming in “Keep Training. Stay on your diet. Get rest. Finish school. Get ready to compete.”
In my human way of understanding I thought: “ It seems superficial that what God wants me to do is to keep training to compete when with The Loop of Confidence I can change lives. But, I am submitted to his will.”
I wake up now every morning incredibly happy and excited and this morning I heard God tell me: “You keep telling me I know what’s in your heart and what’s in your heart is an undying desire to be happy” (Tears of joy just swelled up in my eyes writing this again)
God knows all. God knew building a multi-million dollar empire through my entrepreneurial endeavors while I had broken ties to my family and allowing my health to decline would NOT bring me happiness. Reconciling with my family, realizing a lost dream, getting into the best shape of my life and stepping on stage to compete…THAT WOULD MAKE ME SUPERBLY HAPPY!
There is much more in my heart, I haven’t let go of fulfilling my entrepreneurial endeavors and I have unyielding faith God will deliver it all. Don’t question God. Turn to Him, surrender to Him. Stop following your will; start following His will for your life. #END
So, after writing that I said some prayers and got ready to head to the gym to do my cardio. I decided I would walk. As I was walking out the door I had another realization which lead me to text an apology to someone and that took a load off me because it opened my eyes to certain things. I was feeling fabulous.
Got to the gym, did my cardio…on my walk back home I was thinking about business, well alright, more specifically how much I would be worth come next summer. All of the sudden, I looked down on the sidewalk. And this is what I saw.
Now, for you who know me and know my story – you know what a loud and clear message that is. For those who don’t, my calling, anointing, drive for creating The Loop of Confidence and becoming a Confidence Builder came from an experience I had when I was 8 years old. I was locked into a bathroom with a SPIDER and the only way out was for me to kill it. That is when I realized; you can be trapped by your fears or freed by facing them. At the exact moment when I was about to step on this rubber spider, I looked down. The same day I had all these other realizations. The time for The Loop of Confidence and the Confidence Builder is here. Come next year, that number in my head…something tells me, it’s what I’ll be worth!!
None of this is my doing. It is all God. He deserves all the praise.