This is blog #2 in the How I Came to Understand God’s Word Series
When I first started reading and praying from God’s Creative Power – it was all about me and what I needed God to do for me. I was in pain, broke and struggling. I was determined that if my business ambitions were fulfilled I would be happy and stop hurting. Like most people I had a “when” mindset. When I’m doing what I love; I’ll be happy. When I’m living my dream everything will be alright. When I’m not financially troubled; I won’t be stressed out anymore. I found satisfaction in what I was doing but was deeply troubled by the complete lack of progress and results.
I did not turn to God for His strength, mercy, love and grace; I turned to God with requests and demands – I wanted Him to deliver results. I was not seeking a relationship with Him or for Him to fill the empty void in my life created from not having a relationship with Him. I wanted Him to rescue me and work miracles in my life without having to trust and believe in Him. Without submitting my will to Him and without living my life according to His Word.
I was busting my a$$ and overcoming all of my personal limitations, fears and comfort zones. I was/am a good person. I was helping others, heck, all of my businesses were based on helping people…why, or why wasn’t God helping me? Why did He keep forsaking me? I had the audacity to say I deserved God’s help. I was putting in all the hard work; He should have been delivering the rewards. Before I found my faith and relationship with God – I completely lost my faith and grew intensely angry at Him, the world and everyone. (More to come on that)
Does any of that sound familiar? Too many people want God to work in their lives but all they do is demand and if God doesn’t automatically answer, like I used to, people get upset, mad and angry at God.
I would pray and read from the prosperity section of the book – day after day for years since I thought all of my problems and misery were truly rooted in my lack of prosperity and success in business.
Here is an example of a prayer I would recite and how I completely lack an understanding of it
“The Lord has opened unto me His good treasure and blessed the work of my hands. He has commanded the blessing upon me in my storehouse and all that I undertake. (Deut. 28:8,12)
I read and prayed this prayer, which is based on scriptures but simplified, to be more easily prayed in today’s terms, thinking it meant that whatever I wanted and did; God would bless and bring me success. I totally failed to realize that this applies to what (the work of my hands) is in alignment with HIS will – not my will.
There is nothing easy to submitting to God’s Will instead of your own. Your ego and the enemy will ferociously fight this process hence why it’s easier and simpler to start with developing your relationship with God and learning to trust Him and have faith in Him. The more He fills your heart, soul, mind and spirit the easier it is to submit yourself to His Will because you come to realize He knows best and everything He asks of you his for your good. (More on this too later)
So the prayer I began to focus on more was/is this one: “The Lord causes my thoughts to become more agreeable to His will, and so my plans are established and succeed.”
Still Working on my Prosperity and Success
So the irony is of course that I turned to God for prosperity and success in my business but have yet to received those blessings (I have full faith God is definitely working in my life and on those blessings). The blessings I have received have been greater and more significant than what I was seeking because they have freed me forever from being tied to the “when” mentality and feeling alone and in pain. Of course, it is what I initially seeked that eventually lead me to developing an incredible relationship with God, fortifying my faith in Him and delivering me from my pain, and unhappiness.
The intensity of how much I desire prosperity and success in business hasn’t changed but my happiness and peace are not reliant on them. My happiness and peace are rooted in my relationship with God.
Unfortunately, I had to reach rock bottom in regards to how much pain, hurt and anger I was feeling before turning to God and allowing Him in my life. I don’t wish that kind of pain and hurt on anyone. I’ll pick up my next post on that note.