Ann's News

The Desire to Yell and Scream

I’ll admit it – I have the intense desire to throw a tantrum, yell, and scream right now.  I have so many big plans, goals and desires burning intensely inside of me and so little progress taking place in seeing them come to fruition.

I have much to be grateful for and I take none of those things for granted. It just never fails that the pace, tempo and actual results of my efforts constantly lag behind my intentions, desires and vision.

It is the BIGGEST cross I carry each and every day. I struggle greatly with not getting angry and frustrated with God for keeping me in this slow pace momentum when he has placed so much greatness in my heart and soul.

Each and every day I do all that I can, I pray, and I lean on God to open up the way and to connect me with the right people.  I experience some progress here and there, but nothing so far that is anything close to what I envision. I keep trying to get creative and keep finding my hands tied. I can’t do it – God has to work through me and send me what I need…why isn’t He?  I just don’t know.

My dreams have pushed me to my limits so many times.  They have changed me into the person I am today and they have also left me completely clueless as to what they want from me.

Life is about following your dreams and living up to your potential.  Life is about growing, learning and moving forward. Life is about answering the call God placed on our lives. I don’t doubt that for one second, which is why I am left in so much confusion to the stagnant progress of my life.

It’s insane that with all the good things that have happened and the progress and growth that have occurred I still find myself knee deep in a struggle. The struggle is between the slow reality of my life and the intensity of my dreams.  The struggle is in my mind and caused by the burning desires of my vision.

To remain at peace, faithful and obedient at times like this is an immense battle. A battle I have not come to terms with completely. I absolutely love what I am doing – I want to be able to continue what I do and grow it to new levels.  Whatever is causing the hold up; I pray God shines a light on it so I can address it.

We all fight different battles and deal with our own struggles when we go into the full pursuit of our dreams and who we are meant to be. Some days are better than others – can’t quit, give up, turn back, digress, or do something stupid when the bad days come…the struggles are defining our character, testing our faith, and deciding what is waiting on the other side.