There are times (windows of opportunity) when I wish I was in a healthy, loving and fun relationship but unfortunately, the desire to be in such a relationship rarely outweighs the painful process involved in finding it.
I want the simple and uncomplicated process of meeting a man (whom I find attractive) within my day to day life that becomes my friend followed by eventually something more. I don’t want to join a dating site or end up at endless events bored, miserable and bitter.
It sucks that the simple is the impossible. The simple should be the norm in basic human interaction.
Being in a relationship has never been a priority for me. I’m pretty much a loner who is content being alone. I go through phases when I wish someone was in my life but it’s just that…a phase, something I outgrow and forget about when I get more engaged in the things that matter more to me. My ambitions, goals and dreams often trump all and every desire to pursue having a man in my life.
Additionally, it’s pretty difficult to be in a relationship when you don’t know where you’ll be in the next 3-9 months…and when unsure about most major things about your future. Most people want to meet other likeminded STABLE people. I don’t have any past baggage but I do have a big bag of unknowns I carry with me.
This latest relationship (desire) phase has come about from making a new friend who has made me realize how nice, special and fun it can be to get to know someone new and how important it is to meet people who “get you”. He made me realize when you care about someone, their opinions, and who they are; you empower them to have a positive impact on your life. You empower them to make you better and to be able to be there for you. He made me realize how much I have longed for someone to simply listen to me and empathize with what I’m going through. He reminded me someone can in fact make my day better simply by being in it.
I do want to meet someone who will have everything he has offer, plus the physical attraction/spark, and be available for a future together. That is…I want that without having to go through idiots, dummies, douche bags, liars, cheaters, perverts, and creeps to find it.
I know many people who are in wonderful relationships and marriages so I believe in them and I know they exist. How they actually managed to find each other is the mystery and where I’m doubtful and weary of it ever happening in my life.
I pray for the right man to walk into my life in the simple fashion I mentioned and for me to be opened to the possibilities when he does. I know if it doesn’t happen soon, I will outgrow this current relationship phase and what is a critical window of opportunity will close.
God has a plan for every area of my life and I accept that. He knows what I desire and seek. He knows what’s best for me. Having the right man in my life right now could make a big difference/impact the type of decisions I’m making – truth be told his presence or lack of presence will shape the next chapter of my life.