On October 28th I arrived to Stuttgart, Germany to carry out my 11 months Mobilization Orders. Orders laced with heavy frustrations in getting and that were late in coming. My departure from New Orleans was far from smooth because of the confusion/frustration with my orders and addition of the Government Shutdown. All and all, my much anticipated year in Germany was off to crap start which bled over into my excitement upon arrival and more disappointing discoveries.
I didn’t want to have a sour attitude but quickly my days lacked joy and happiness that “ought to be there” because I was in Germany. Sure…I was in Germany albeit stuck on a tiny Army base (no car or transportation), living in a hotel room with an unworthy setup they call a “kitchenette”, doing a job with no title involving duties I have no passion, or interest for…feeling all alone (very lonely), missing my Little Man who I had to leave while he was injured, and awakening almost every day to cold, wet, overcast weather.
I needed an attitude adjustment and to snap out of the negativity that I had yet been able to shake off. I did the only thing I now know to do – I got down on my knees and prayed. I didn’t pray for God to change my circumstances, I prayed for him to show me how to find joy in serving Him under any circumstances. I had imagined such a wonderful transition from NOLA to Germany but once again felt completely let down…thankfully, I have become wise enough to forgo self-pity and go to bended knees to find what the Lord is trying to teach me. I shifted my focus on the Lord and the growing opportunities this experience was affording me.
I met a Major (also a Reservist), who happens to be a Youth Pastor when not in uniform, and we quickly engaged in some exciting conversations that have helped to move me towards what I prayed for. God worked in my life in an expedited fashion and the joy I’ve longed for has been ignited in my heart.
There’s much I want to see and experience in Germany and Europe but I knew none of it would be as beautiful, enjoyable and appreciated until I had the real joy for the Lord burning inside of me. The Lord knew being placed between the worst and best of possibilities would shake me into the realization of what I was missing and lead me to turn to Him to find it.
So there it is…under the constant overcast skies of Germany the Lord has finally lifted the darkness that was chocking my ability to feel joy and happiness.
Next step…figure out my identify crisis so I can finally get a car and be physically set free to go exploring!