In 2013, I read well over 20 books, the first year in many years in which I made reading a priority again (buying a Kindle Fire made a big difference) and what a soul nourishing commitment it turned out to be. I read for leisure, to learn, educate myself and to find greater clarity. I also began to read for research purposes for the male character I’m developing for a book I’m writing.
Two books I would not have otherwise read had it not been for my research are: How God Makes Men: Ten Epic Stories. Ten Proven Principles. One Huge Promise for Your Life by Patrick Morley and Fathered by God by John Eldredge.
First let me say that in those two books, I fell deeply in love with men…not “men” as in humanity but men as in the flesh, bones and soul of men God created. The masculine men God intended men to be as especially described in the masculine journey men are to undertake: in their Boyhood, Cowboy, Warrior, Lover, King and Sage stages in Fathered by God.
The ache to meet such a man who is seeking God and is embarked on the journey created for him as he grows in the image of his Creator is well…lets just say a girl can dream (meaning pray) for it constantly!!
And of course in my case, I can write him into a kind of reality…the point of venturing into this reading (research) in the first place. I wanted to find/capture the essence and true sense of manhood as created by God – not what society is now saying manhood ought to be/look like.
My love for Jesus is greater than any love for anything or anyone else. When I think or hear His name “Jesus” my heart is filled with so much love, admiration, and gratitude. His is my one true King however, many other men in the Bible also move me like the ten men described in Patrick’s book: Abraham, Joesph (I relate to him a lot), Moses, Gideon, David (no women would say no to having her own King David – faults and all), Solomon, Nehemiah, Job, Peter and Paul.
It’s funny how discovering the true perspective of manhood according to God made me both happy and sad. Happy of how beautiful God created it to be and sad of how rare it is in our society. Happy to know somewhere out there men are reading (and writing) these books and dedicating their lives to work on being what they were created to be. And again, wishful to meet said men.
What I didn’t Expect
What I didn’t expect was to relate so much to the ten men in Patrick’s book and the masculine journey outlined in John’s book. Our humanity link men and women so of course, we share many life lessons and common trials and victories but women and men are quite different from each other in the Bible.
Admittedly, over the last couple of years in my walk with God as I have shed my stubbornness, ego, and pride and have allowed God to provide and be my strength; I have in fact found more of my femininity. I don’t believe up until now I could have been a good wife to the kind of man I desire. I had too much to prove, too many wrong idealism, pain and walls up. Gone are those, but here is still the path the Lord has me on.
I’m far from being on a quiet, passive, submissive or supporting type of road. Looking back on my life I can see when/where I went through my own “Cowboy” stage and can you say “Warrior” any louder than by being a Marine…my writing, reading and love for nature is where I express/experience my own “Lover” stage and the leadership roles I’ve been endowed with have/had me in a “King (Queen)” stage.
I certainly know there are many complexities to gender roles and there is no one size fits all…this is a delicate post to write and it’s really a post where I’m putting my thoughts/confusion out for the Lord to walk me through the answers.
It’s about fulfilling who He created ME to be and not answer this question for everyone since the answer is in fact unique to all of us. I can see where I have developed in me what I did not find in another when I didn’t know how to seek the Lord for it. I faced many trials on my own prior to allowing God in which again, had their impacts. The wounds are healed but who they made me, remains. I grow to be more like Jesus everyday and He certainly embodies a masculine and feminine essence.
I don’t need answers today. I find this type of discovery very exciting now because I know the Holy Spirit will work through me to give me the answers when the time is right. Both the questions and the answers are entitled to their proper time…God’s timing.