The harshest part of my walk with Christ is without a doubt the painful sting of my unanswered prayers…especially when it all comes to head.
It’s been a really rough last few months…at work. I don’t want to get into the details, but I’ve been hanging on by a thin thread and today I finally cracked. What hurts the most is how much I’ve been praying for strength to get through it, strength to be what Jesus expects me to be in this situation – to have the strength to grow and learn through it all. Today was very hard – I prayed, I asked God to get me through it but it didn’t end well.
The first sting came from today’s unanswered prayer. I have felt His presence and strength in the pass but not today. Today was like quick sand, the more I prayed, and the more I tried to do what was right, the more I sunk into a black pit of frustration, aggravation and anger. I was being engulfed and God was nowhere to be found to pull me out.
Walking back to the hotel, alone, with no one to confide in, I felt the other stings that are of a much deeper kind; they’re rooted in unanswered prayers from years ago (years of praying) that keep hurting me…that quite frankly test my faith.
One of the first things I remember praying for was a mentor. When I first came in the Marine Corps, I wanted to find someone I admired, trusted, and wanted to emulate. I knew having a mentor would help my growth and provide me the guidance, advice and leadership that would mold me into the best Marine I could be. As an Enlisted Marine I never found that specific mentor – but I did receive what I was seeking here and there from a variety of people. Once I became an Officer, the need grew but the providence became a slow drip that left me fending for myself.
The praying intensified immensely once I left the Marine Corps and entered the realm of entrepreneurship. I spent many nights in tears – begging God to send me someone to help me, to guide me…to mentor me. I was way out of my depth most of the time and making costly mistakes. I also felt so alone. I had people looking at me to lead them and who expected me to have the answers, when in truth, I was drowning and I had no one to pull me to shore. Not surprisingly I failed…over and over again.
I’m a very private person and while pretty open in my writing – I’m much more reserved in person. Can’t honestly say there’s someone in my life who actually truly knows who I am. Someone who knows the ins and outs of my life, my thoughts, feelings, hope and dreams.
A mentor or mentors along the way would have made such a difference. They would’ve allowed me to have someone I trusted, respected and valued to open to.
A Significant Other/Husband
At some point, especially over the last few years (intently the last few months) I’ve prayed for a significant other (husband the last few years). Perhaps it was a bit of a compromise with God at first; He didn’t see it fit to send me a mentor, so I would be fulfilled to simply have the right man to share my life with. Someone to know me, understand me, love me, be there for me…carry part of the load when it all becomes too much. But well…you all know that continues to go unanswered as well,
The third thing I’ve prayed for feverishly for years – work I love in a wonderful environment where I can prosper. Not only does that elude me, I’m in the complete opposite of what I’ve been praying for.
Seek on Your Own
Anyone reading this who is not a Christian is probably thinking “Why don’t you go out and find these people on your own?” First, let me say – I have tried prior to being saved and made a mess of things…especially in the significant other’s department. Having the wrong people in your life can be a lot more damaging then not having anyone at all.
Second, when praying its critical to have faith and trust in the Lord. If you pray, then go out and try and do it on your own – you can’t expect God to answer your prayers. He expects us to pray, obey Him and allow Him to work things out. It’s His timing not our own…just sometimes His timing can leave us feeling forgotten.
God First and For All
Until today, those three standing unanswered prayers stung at times, but since committing my life to the Lord – I have known Him to be there and He has provided for me. I don’t know where He was today but I do know I have to keep trusting Him.
Listen to these lyrics to this song – and you’ll understand why.