My circumstances have not changed for many years; it is their constant state that have taught me and shown me the Hand of God at work. First, my circumstances made me realize a need to change – a need to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. Next, my circumstances allowed me to change by allowing God to forge me into who He created me to be (this is ongoing). Then being in the same circumstances made realize how much I had changed. And now, my circumstances are showing me how God can use me to work in other people’s lives.
Many Christians turn to God to help them in their times of need and once He has – they go back to doing their own things; turning their backs on God who they claim to serve. Our sinful nature which wants to do its own thing keeps us from experiencing the real intimacy and rewards of serving our Father.
I wake in the morning and my first thoughts are to give thanks to the Lord for another day and to let him know this day belongs to Him. I’m ready to serve and obey Him. So when I go in to work every day in one of the most dysfunctional environment I’ve ever had the (dis)pleasure to work in; I know He wants me here.
The dysfunctional environment I’m currently in is a product of people not doing their jobs, personality clashes, unrealistic expectations and a lack of leadership. It’s a product of people serving their own purposes and not thinking pass themselves. At first I was aggravated and frustrated with the place, but now I find it (and the people creating it) sad and unfortunate. They all could use God in their lives. I have God in my life and I don’t belong to this environment; although I am in it – it is not in me or of me.
I don’t know what God wants me to do most days and I’m okay with that because when He does want me to do something – He tells me and I obey.
He gave me the opportunity this week to give someone a message that He was starting to work in her life but the decision to make the hard choices and the necessary sacrifices to embark on the journey with Him and be blessed by it was hers to make.
I had chills while I delivered the message when it hit me God was using me as a messenger! His Hand was all over the situation and I was an instrument to do His work. This was only the second time I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was directly using me…I can’t explain what an incredible blessing that is.
When God works a miracle in my life, I feel blessed by Him and closed to Him but when He uses me to work a miracle in someone else’s life; I feel his presence ten times more and a deep closeness because it lets me know He is trusting me. He lets me know I am living my life in a way that can be used to serve His Kingdom.
I used to want to help people on the large scale so badly through the Loop of Confidence, motivational speaking and all my other endeavors. I used to think God was calling me to do it; I used to try to control the outcome and force people to get it. I caused myself so much pain, heartaches and disappointment. I was totally clueless what it actually took to be used by God and what it would feel like.
When I was done delivering the message God had trusted me with…I knew I could do nothing else but provide her more guidance if she wanted it; the next step was fully in her hands and God already has the outcome all worked out. When serving God, the outcome, consequences and glory all belong to Him. The joy and honor of partnering up with Him though…that I can bask in, not in a prideful but jubilant manner.
When I laid my ambitious dreams of helping people according to my will at His feet, I felt lost and useless. I felt like He was not using me to my potential and every so often I would go and pick my ambitions back up. When He kept putting me in the same circumstances it was hard not to think I was doing something wrong. It’s counter intuitive to think things getting worst was actually God making it better for me but that’s why faith is so important. It’s why knowing Him is key. The harder it gets, the deeper into His Word I go…the more He teaches me, shows me and uses me. The closer I am to Him, the less everything else matters. I don’t go to His feet anymore to pick up my ambitions; I go to rest.