Will I get it done this time? Will I complete my first work of fiction?
Let’s dissect a blog post I wrote back in 2012 appropriately titled “Write” to see what the past has to say on this matter.
“I have been praying and listening for guidance while working hard to maintain my sanity and sense of well being – and now I have received what God wants me to commit myself to do. Write.”
I was pretty certain God was calling me to write and even then, it was nothing new.
“Writing has always been a huge part of my life. I’ve been journaling and blogging for years.”
“Whenever there has been a lull in my life, writing has always provided me with an outlet to work through it”
“Aside from thinking up businesses as a kid; I would think up story plots, characters and fantasize about being an author peacefully tucked away in a cabin in the middle of a beautiful forest or in cottage by the sea transposing words as the waves crashed unto the beach.”
“Prior to making the decision of joining the Marine Corps, my heart had been set on becoming an author but this dream was shut down by people who told me I would never make a living from it.”
There hasn’t been a time in my life when I didn’t want to be a writer. There also hasn’t been a time in my life when I thought making a living as a writer was a viable option. Neither statements have actually changed.
E-book to Nowhere
I completed the e-book I mentioned in that post. I was proud of myself and it felt like an accomplishment but it went nowhere, although I accompanied it with a radio show, webinars, workshops and speaking engagements. In the end, The Loop of Confidence and the persona of the Confidence Builder died on the vine as well. I ended up back in the Marine Corps with my thoughts focused on making the Foreign Service my next career move but turns out, I couldn’t even pass the Foreign Service Officer Test so for now, that career option is also dead.
Not Ideal but Perfect
Thankfully, the interest in the Foreign Service lives on and my research into it hasn’t been a waste because the heroine my book is a Foreign Service Officer. That’s right! I’m writing a book.
Since arriving in Germany, I’ve been stuck living in a hotel room which has had an odd side affect…it’s motivated me to write. As much as there is to see and do in Germany/Europe – a lot of my time on the weekends goes into writing, researching or reading.
My desire to write has once more demanded I give it my time and energy. It has established yet again it’s not something that will go away or be ignored. It’s faithfully proven to be a way to escape and to find solace when nothing else makes much sense. It’s once more become a source of motivation and inspiration.
Each time writing comes knocking at my door, I go down the road with it a little further. This time I’ve signed up for a course where I’ll be mentored for the next 8 months through the writing process.
I will open myself to sharing and being critiqued on my work. I will put in the work in not just writing but getting better at it. If writing is to become my craft and my art – it will require a lot more than what I’ve given to it in the past.
It might be time to stop chasing the ideal work/business/career I’d love and flourish in and accept a job that allows me to pursue my writing.
Staying in Germany/Europe
While writing had me playing with the idea of getting a job vice pursuing another entrepreneurial undertaking – something else dawn on me. I’m enjoying myself here and exploring new aspects of myself so why leave? Only way to stay is to find a suitable job…the second road leading me for the first time in my life to seeking a job that is not the Marine Corps and not self-employment.
I’m unsure if any of this is part of God’s will at this point. It seems I’ve been off base in the past so I will pray on it and continue to seek His direction while I pursue this new course of action for my life.