While in Berlin back in February, I felt compelled to find a way to stay in Germany. I realized there’s something about this place (I can’t quite put my finger on) that sparked a desire to stay. I prayed about it and proceeded to look for jobs. The search was a little disheartening – according to my resume, I’m qualified for jobs I don’t necessarily want and lack the qualifications on paper for the jobs I would probably love.
I would love to write that I took this conundrum to the Lord to seek His will…but I didn’t. Instead, I shelved the problem and how it made me feel to deal with it later.
I had some downtime about two weeks ago so I decided to peruse the job listings again on USA Jobs. I have a little less than six months left on my orders so I need to find my next job. I found a job I want…I mean REALLY want. I couldn’t believe what I consider to be an ideal job was listed and waiting for me to apply. I felt so excited! I found myself saying “God, please let me have this job.”
I didn’t waste any time. I started doing my research on the Organization, got my cover letter started and looked into how I needed to tweak my resume to be more competitive and relevant for this particular job. But the more I wanted the job, the more I started feeling fear and anxiety. What if I don’t get it, then what? I’ll be so disappointed. I found myself saying again but more desperately “God, please let me have this job.”
After a few days of feeling anxiety about the prospect of this job, a new thought entered my mind: “God, is this your will for me? Is this the job you want me to have?” I had yet to pursue His input and guidance about this job. I made the rookie mistake of trying to talk God into giving me what I want versus seeking what He wants and obeying Him.
They could very well be the same exact thing – but one way brings about stress, worry and fears, while the other way, brings peace and ensures the best outcome no matter what.
Feelings of anxiety and stress are a sure sign that I’m not focusing on the Lord. As I grow as a Christian, I’m getting better at applying Scriptures to my life and to the problems/situations that arise. I turned to the Lord, Scriptures and past lessons to find peace about this job.
Psalm 37: 4 states “Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart.” I struggled plenty with this verse early on in my walk with Jesus. I thought I was delighting myself in the Lord but I wasn’t getting my way (desires of my heart) and I didn’t understand why.
Further study and development in my relationship with God made me realize the key to this verse was to lay all of my desires at His feet and focus on walking closely with the Lord and truly desiring His will for my life. When living centered in His will, God will place His desires on my heart. His desires will be my desires. I asked him “God, did you place the desire for this job on my heart?” There’s been no answer yet.
Jeremiah 29:11 reads: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Admittedly, I’ve doubted in the past whether or not God had good plans for me because of my circumstances but that was a lack of understanding and a lack of faith on my part – not the Lord punishing me or keeping His promises from me.
I know He has an incredible plan for my life and this job seems to me (with my limited view and understanding of His plan) like a good step in the right direction. I asked Him “God, will this job prosper me?” There’s been no answer yet.
A few verses in Proverbs 16 (New Living Translation (NLT)) make it clear, whether or not I get this job – it’s in God’s hands.
1 We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer
3 Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.
33 We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall.
I submitted my resume, job questionnaire and other required documents last Wednesday. Funny thing about that day, it turned out to be a very bad day at work which allowed me to witness the work God has accomplished in me. A year ago, my former self would have submitted the resume begging God to take me away from the constant nightmare of my circumstances. I would have been filled with fear, doubt and dread God wouldn’t answer my prayer. I would have been feeling hopeless and trapped.
Not so anymore. I submitted the resume expressing my desire to do His will and thanked Him for teaching me once more how to be an obedient servant.
I’ve thought about how badly I want this job every day since then…free of stress, anxiety and doubt.