It’s Wednesday evening and I’m once more stuffed from another delicious dinner. I’ve been doing a bit of thinking about relaxing since that’s what I came here to do. I almost feel like it would be worth actually cutting and pasting the definition of relaxing in order to explain what I tried to achieve this week. I came here to relax. To do nothing except unwind, de-stress and get re-energized. To help me achieve this goal, I booked some yoga and pilates classes, a massage, facials and a few other things. I’ve been spending a lot of time by the ocean and just laying around the patio of my room reading and doing some writing. It’s been relaxing but also slightly bordering on boring.
During my pilates class today, I was a bit annoyed by all the deep breathing and how slowly everything needed to be executed. That was a solid realization I might actually need to put more effort into achieving a state of relaxation.
I’m a workaholic who still doesn’t take the time to take care of myself properly. I must take the time to inhale, exhale and stretch!! It’s funny. That’s my measuring stick…whether or not I’m stretching because if I’m taking the time to stretch it means I’m not rushing, hurrying and overlooking the small yet important things I must do for myself.
Having nothing to worry about or specific to do has been relaxing all in of itself. No one to talk to, no one to answer to, no one needing anything from me. Part of me wishes I was mountain biking, hiking or doing some sort of other fun physical activity…but I don’t have the inclination to find activities to do beyond those I’ve already booked which is a sure sign while I’m getting a bit bored; I’m not re-energized.
It’s Thurdsay afternoon and another incredibly gorgeous day. I woke up this morning feeling anxious. I’m not clear what brought it on but I turned my feelings and thoughts of anxiety over to the Lord and went back to sleep.
After breakfast, I had my first ever body detox wrap which involved getting scrubbed down with sea salt, followed by a full body mud mask and 15 minutes wrapped in plastic while the mud worked it’s magic. My skin has never been so smooth or radiant. I’ve never been so good to myself. This week is another grand blessing from the Lord.
I feel more like myself today. It’s fair to say I’m getting as relax as I’m capable of getting but more importantly, I’ve managed to de-stress as well. To be writing again feels so good – I didn’t have any energy or desires the last couple of months to write. In order to write, you have to be willing to think…and frankly, I haven’t had much energy to do much thinking either.
When I got here, my mind was blank. Most people would say a blank mind is a solid sign of living in the moment and being relaxed but for me, it was in fact, a sign of lingering exhaustion. I’ve been caught up in a survival mode without fully realizing it.
I’m not looking forward to going back to work and to the cold but I’m committing to be my positive self and not letting that toxic place get to me again. I allowed the environment to steal my joy. I allowed the negativity of a few to influence my mood and wellbeing. I won’t have it be like that for another year. I came here to remember who I am and when I go back I must do a better job not just taking care of myself but also protecting myself.