Over the last 24 hours, the veil has been lifted on another portion of the vast tapestry of men God has been weaving together in my life for the last 5+ years to undo the hurt, pain, and damage that had been done. To heal the wounds, establish a sense of safety, an ability to open up, and restore trust.
Almost 6 years ago, I was left totally wounded when my fiancee walked out the door and out of the complicated relationship we had found ourselves in. I was broken. I was broken when we started the relationship because quite frankly, when it came to having the ability to have a relationship, I was not whole enough to be in one. As is the case with Ava, the main female character of The Hijacked Holiday. She’s a former version on myself…and bringing her to life these last couple of weeks, awakened things that I simply hadn’t thought about for years. She really began to mess with me.
Airport Guy was also not adding up. I knew God had placed him in my path, and while he was turning out to be super helpful, I was growing frustrated, and uncomfortable with him because of how little I knew about him. I needed to know what kind of guy God had placed in my life to provide all this hard truth he was giving me. AG also pointed out the time had come for me to really divorce myself from Ava. He didn’t realize how much she was messing with me, but he saw that I was getting in the way of fully expressing who Ava was.
Truth is, I was protecting Ava’s flaws, the same way I used to protect those very flaws in me, instead of seeing how I’m not her anymore. Ava won’t have to stay that way either.
AG came forth with more of his backstory, once I directly asked for it, which explained why he was helping me, and why I was the ideal candidate to help him with his story. He hadn’t gotten personal with me, because he wasn’t looking for that. He is happily married, and his wife, his friends, or his family could all help him with the book, but they are too familiar with the characters in the book to be of any substantiate help, without impacting the story.
I was so happy and relieved to finally have some information on him. It helped to put so many things into perspective.
But back to God’ work. Like I said, over the last 5 years, there have been some significant male friends (and role models) that have come in and out of my life to break down, undo, and improve the things I believed about men. I have named them all in my journal and the role they played, but I won’t do it here or ever, without either letting them know first, and/or changing their identity for the sake of their privacy. But they have been part of God’s plan…and Josh, my male character is in many ways bits and pieces of those men/friends. Josh will do for Ava, what they did for me.
Now that AG and I have cleared the air, we are forging on with helping each other, may be I’ll even discover he has a great sense of humor, and we can have fun working together. If I’m going to keep eating humble pie from him, I needed to know he was in fact a great guy, with a full life, surrounded by amazing people.
But AG is more than help for me on this project to make it better – I have past experiences with men partnering up with me for the wrong reasons and my getting really hurt by it.
I believe God placed him in my path to show me, there are stand-up guys who can have a personable professional partnership with me, that is based on mutual respect and exchange of knowledge, gifts, and skills to help each other out.
Of course God would gift wrap him in a nice looking package, He’s God, He knows how to get my attention!
If you haven’t turned your life over to God, you simply can’t understand how closely He will work in your life. How He will answer your prayers, slowly at times, according to His timing and His ways, but He can, and will restore what you have lost, heal your suffering and renew everything about you. It will not likely be according to the way you want it, but in the end, much better!
I mean sure, I would have liked for a Josh to enter my life, and work through all my issues with me, but it didn’t turn out that way, it was a slow process because that’s what was best and it truly glorifies Him. I have been able to celebrate each man who changed something about me, be grateful for him entering my life, and acknowledge God for sending Him. I have witnessed how systematically God has been working, how carefully He went about carrying out His plan, and above all, how much He loves me to make it all fit together perfectly.
He’s continuing to work out my kinks, confirmed I need to continue on this project, and did I mention, He LOVES me.
There’s a hanging chad, which happens to be the lynch pin to falling down to my knees in the first place in this weaving God has been doing. Not related to AG, but possibly related to either the future of my love life or the future of my professional career. Either way, I’m excited and curious to find out what God has planned for him. Not even going to try to figure it out. I absolutely adore the way God surprises me with His plans!