Ann's News

How I’m Using Tinder

Are you over the shock, yet? I’ll give you another few seconds to grasp the reality that I’m not only doing the online dating thing—but, I’m using Tinder to do it and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

You know my last attempt at online dating was a massive failure.

If you’ve read Men and Sex: Navigating Both Before and After Christ, you know my last attempt at online dating was a massive failure. Thankfully, I’m definitely not the same person anymore—plus, I have a purpose and a plan now.

Ann Bernard Tinder ProfileWhen I was bored last Saturday (although I had plenty of work to do) I realized I needed to meet more people in the area to figure out where to go do the things I love: mountain biking, hiking, and kayaking to name a few. It occurred to me, since more guys do these activities, I could probably find some guys to do some of these activities with…or at a minimum, gain valuable information about the best spots to go, if I joined the right dating site.

How did I make the decision to go with Tinder?

  1. I had no desire to pay for a dating service
  2. Needed something that was location based…and easily updated while I’m on the go.
  3. No way I was going through the tedious process of putting a thorough profile together
  4. I was definitely not filling out some dumb questionnaire. I know who/what I’m looking for
  5. Wanted a site where guys took action, made quick decisions.
  6. Guys on other dating sites…are also on Tinder
  7. No dating site has more fish

Tinder is super easy to setup. You can login using Facebook, which pulls in your basic information and profile picture. From there you can edit your profile, you only get 500 words and upload more pictures.

My strategy with my profile was simple

  1. Be upfront I’m Christian and not looking for a hook-up
  2. Be clear about what I’m interested in and want to do
  3. Be honest about my status in life (no place to call home, traveling all the time)
  4. Back-up what I claim with my picture selection. Also helps you can link your Instagram account.

Speaking of pictures. Some will say this site is for the superficial–they make their decisions based on pictures only.  But then there’s the famous saying “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

My point being, if you make the right picture selection–someone can learn everything they need to know about you from your pictures. Your pictures should definitely backup what you’re claiming about yourself. If you claim to love the outdoor, but you are either in a bar partying, slumming on the couch, or only have pictures of you in the gym. Clearly you aren’t really into the outdoor.

My rules for choosing my matches, swiping right on Tinder

  1. The guy must have taken the time to write something about himself.
  2. Some sort of keywords along the lines of outdoor, hiking, biking, climbing, outside fun, camping…must be in their profile
  3. They need to have at least one picture of them doing something outdoor
  4. I don’t need to be attracted to them…but that helps
  5. If only my hormones are attracted to them and they have no keywords…I swipe left

Rule #5 is all about keeping me out of trouble and not allowing my hormones do the choosing instead of my heart and head.

It’s a plus if their profile mentions they’re Christians but not a requirement. I don’t expect to find my husband on Tinder and I can go mountain biking with a guy who is not a Christian. Although, if their profile says they’re atheist, definitely not swiping right.

About my Tinder matches

My matches have a seven day shelf life. I have no problems contacting my matches first. As a matter of fact, most of them I’ve contacted first. Some have replied. Some haven’t. But even if one has replied, if after seven days we haven’t connected offline or have made plans to, I unmatch.

Here’s why:

  1. I’m clear in my profile, we either do something or unmatch.
  2. I don’t have time for messenger friends. It’s not what I’m looking for
  3. I will never know how well I get along with you or who you are until I meet you in person.
  4. I want to keep the number of matches and number of guys I’m messaging under a manageable quantity. I’m looking for quality over quantity. So no point keeping anyone who isn’t quality.
  5. Only exception is if he happens to be a wealth of knowledge about the area. Although we haven’t done anything together—he’s a keeper…for now.

But Ann, Tinder is for people looking to hook-up for sex!

I’m not seeing it that way. I mean yea, some guys are clear about what they’re looking for…which makes it easy enough to swipe left and never be matched with them.

That’s truly the benefit and beauty of this app, if you end up matched with someone that’s jacked up—it’s pretty much your own fault. You selected them.

I’ve matured, learned my lessons, and have moved past making the wrong choices. I see them come across my phone screen—the men I would’ve picked in the past and I swipe left. They have nothing to offer me and we don’t have anything in common anymore.

I’m solid in who I am—where my life is going, not so much, but I’m perfectly okay with that. I know what I love, enjoy, and want in my life. I’m in a place where I can use an app like Tinder, and turn it exactly into what I need it to be.

More about my experiences so far…in another post.

2 Comments on How I’m Using Tinder

  1. Great post, and outline for how others can use Tinder.

    The perception of Tinder with many adults has completely changed, and matches exactly with how you are using it. There are some who use Tinder because they want hookups, but if the Ashley Madison data leak taught men anything (most of the profiles for women were fake, and women were paid for online interactions), it is the a vast majority of women are just not into using the Internet or apps to scheduled hook-ups.

    Not sure if you agree, but the other facet of Tinder (based on my past experience and those of my friends) is that it is fun. People love diving into it, and swiping around.

    At the end of the day, I think most of us are looking for ways to meet people, and get out and do stuff with someone who shares our interests. And if you are like most people between the ages of 35 and 45, you have probably tried every dating site / app that is out there – or felt like you have. For all its simplicity, Tinder has a refreshing quality to it.

    Hope you have some great experiences!

  2. Ann Bernard // June 6, 2016 at 3:25 pm //

    It matches exactly how you are using it. For a woman’s perspective this is an excellent app. You don’t get bothered by guys you’re not interested in. Only those you select have the ability to message you. Again…if you pick the wrong person, it’s pretty much on you. It’s easy to give this app a bad rep–if you’ve never used it. Don’t think I find the swiping all that fun. Really would just have a pool full of ideal options, but it can be interesting to read what other people are all about and check-out their photo selection. Again, you can tell a lot about people by what pictures they choose.

    Men do seem to come across more bots, but I think it’s those looking for hook-ups. I’m sure there are plenty of other real girls on there.

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