I don’t know what I’m doing. But there’s no need to be alarmed. It’s hardly my first time finding myself following a desire void of an actual plan. Heck, I’ve been making it up as I go for the last nine months, ever since I came back from Germany, and now, I’m venturing on the longest leg of this adventure.
I left on the first day of summer to travel across the second largest country in the world, my homeland, Canada. I packed my car, mounted my mountain bike, and grabbed Little Man. I made a stop in Vermont for a few days, and now I’m sitting at my stepdad’s kitchen table in St-Georges.
The last time I was here was for my mom’s funeral. It was tough driving up to the house knowing she wasn’t here. I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent with my dad, stepmom, and my brothers and sisters these last few months, and this should have been the summer I got to spend time with my mom, but she’s gone. It hurts. I can’t change things so no point having regrets, but I wish we would’ve had this time together. We had a fractured relationship however, it was made cleared to me at her funeral, by all those who attended, just how much she loved me.
She worried a lot about me and had a hard time understanding my life. I see that worry and concern now in my dad and stepmom’s eyes—I wish I had answers for them. I wish I had answers for myself. All I know is that I started something—two writing projects, the Chapters of My Life Series and The Hijacked Holiday and I’m going to finish them. I also promised myself I would keep traveling, so I’m doing this drive across Canada. That’s about all I know.
Over the next few days, I’ll pour over maps, buy camping gear, and come up with some sort of plan for the weeks ahead. I’ve never done anything like this before which is motivation and reason enough to do it, but I sense there’s something more compelling driving me (pun intended) forward.
I feel the closest to God when I’m on the road traveling and in nature. We’ll be getting a lot of quality time together in the weeks to come so perhaps His will for my life will finally come into focus.