The Personal Experience Section
I joined Tinder on a Saturday around 5pm, I was on a date at 7:30 am Sunday morning for a run at the Holyoke Reservoir. My dates since then have included kayaking, mountain biking, and stand-up paddle boarding (SUP).
My running date wanted to see me again, but he was pretty upfront, he figured seeing me again meant getting intimate. I made sure to clear up that wasn’t going to happen, based on my faith, which spared him hearing that he wasn’t my type, and he didn’t have a chance in hell of hooking-up with me. He seemed to be in a hurry to leave after that—but I wish I would have asked him what he thought the words “no hook-ups” meant.
FYI. If you are one of my matches and you found this blog post. No hook-ups means I’m not going to sleep with you…unless something crazy happens like we fall in love and get married.
The other guys I went out with were good and decent guys, who didn’t bring up sex on a first date, and who seemed happy to be outdoor, doing something fun, while meeting someone new. There wasn’t even a hint of pressure that any sort of expectations existed from hanging out.
My interactions with them confirmed there are some great available guys who know how to properly interact with a woman, enjoy her company, and treat her well.
While no sparks flew with any of them, I would hang out with all of them again…and if I’m being honest, with one of them more eagerly so than the others. He left a very positive impression that makes me wonder.
The Advice Section
I’m hardly a qualified candidate to give anyone dating advice. But I do know how I’ve done it wrong in the past, and how using a different approach is yielding better results.
It definitely starts with setting the right tone. A guy who chooses to swipe right on my profile knows what I’m about based on my profile. I’m not selling them on one thing and then turning out to be something different.
I was unmatched by someone who found this website, while others who found this site stuck around. Perhaps you’re reading this post, and now, you’re debating what to do. I say follow your gut instincts.
I am who I am. I wouldn’t even begin to try to change or hide that. If someone reads up about me and decides I’m not for him—I’m perfectly fine with that (saves us both time). Rejection doesn’t bother me and it shouldn’t bother you either. I don’t need to please anyone or be liked by everyone. Nor will I change who I am to accommodate someone. Only one worth changing for is Jesus Christ. I do love Jesus, but rest assure, I won’t try to convert you.
You can’t successfully date people while you’re willing to be everything to everyone. Have some confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. Be who you are and find those who fit what you’re looking for. Don’t settle or sell yourself short.
But please note, it really helps to have some interests, passions, and hobbies. You might be good looking, but you aren’t attractive if you bring nothing to the table, you need to be the full package to be truly attractive. If sex is the only form of fun and excitement in your life—you might want to come to terms with the fact that you’re boring.
I came to realize that was me during my first attempt at online dating. I had nothing to offer. I was lame, boring, and full of unresolved issues. So what did I go after? Sex. I got my thrills from random sexual encounters which ultimately left me empty, dissatisfied, and looking for more.
If you have nothing in your profile, to me, it translates into: Here to hook-up. You don’t need to know about me, I don’t have anything to offer, and I don’t care to know anything about you. It actually translates into much more than that…especially based on the picture selection, but I don’t spend time thinking about it. I swipe left and look for the men who do have substance and something to offer. They’re out there.
You’re in charge of choosing your matches on this app, choose wisely. We all know once you swipe right on someone, you’ll show up in that person’s line-up. From there, either they choose you or they don’t—it’s okay if they don’t. Why would you want to go out with someone who in a snap judgement isn’t interested in you? Do you really think them getting to know you would change things or would you try and be something you’re not for them? Are you that desperate for company? Desperation is not attractive.
You’ll be judged quickly and perhaps ruthlessly but some will still choose you. Your job is to make sure it’s the real you they’re saying “like” to.
Being yourself in your profile makes what will come next…the messaging, much easier.