Ann's News

Tinder: Communication and Advice (Part II)

It’s taken me a while to finally get this blog post written. Being that I’ve been on the road and all…haha! I’ll write my post Tindering Through Canada next 😉

I left off Part I saying I would discuss messaging next. So here goes.

The Personal Section

I read somewhere that you should wait at least a few hours before messaging a new match. For the most part I’ve followed this advice, although, I don’t think it’s necessary. I’ve had guys message me as soon as we’ve matched and I’ve appreciated that. Why wait. Carpe Diem.

Remember, my purpose for being on Tinder is to find activity partners and my time in any one location is limited, therefore, I don’t have time to waste. The goal is to exchange a few messages and setup an activity to do together, so I’ve messaged the majority of matches first. I’ll admit, over time, as I got more and more matches, I got a little lazy with my messaging.

At first, I made my initial message personal by weaving something about their profiles in my message…but over time, and lack of responses, I started narrowing down to saying “Hello, how are you?” That is unless, someone really grabbed my attention.

I don’t believe in trying to get to know each other via messages. The faster we can setup getting together, the better. For that reason, I’ve not only messaged a match first, but have also recommended for us to get together.

I’m never cute, flirtatious, or something I’m not in my messaging. I’m honest, direct, and assertive. I aim to flush out who is ready to take advantage of an opportunity and who isn’t. I’m responsive in answering.

I also always reiterate what’s in my profile “No hook-ups.” Some guys appeared to be good matches, ready to get together, until I made it clear nothing physical would happen between us. They backed out. I’m not bothered when this happens. It’s always better to know and avoid an awkward situation. I tell them to keep swiping to find the girl they’re looking for.

Quite a few guys have wanted to text message instead of using Tinder Messaging. I’ve had no problems with this—however, it obviously means they now have my phone number. But another way of looking at it, also means they’re not spending their time on Tinder. Cause frankly, when checking a message, you might as well swipe left or right for a couple of minutes.

Advice Section

Red Flags

He starts his message with “Hey Beautiful!”, “How are you gorgeous?” or pays you some other inappropriate compliment or greeting for an initial conversation. I’ve had a few of those messages and they’ve lead nowhere constructive.  

He never asks you any questions. I’ve actually met up with a guy who never asked me one single question in our messaging…he also never asked me a question in person. You can tell when a guy is interested in you for his own gain and ego, not to actually get to know you.

He only messages you late at night. He’s trying to see if you’ll cross a line that will lead to a hook-up.

He doesn’t commit to meeting up. He’s looking for a messaging buddy. I had a guy who kept telling me about his day and what he was doing, but clearly didn’t seem interested in actually meeting up. He was wasting my time. I’ve learned to weed out the guys who want chatting buddies.

When to Unmatch

If a match says something that offends you, is out of line, or never responds to your message(s). Don’t waste your time. Unmatch them. Don’t be one of those people who collects matches. Don’t engage in debates, arguments, or attempts to change them. Cut your losses and move on. You can meet a good person of the opposite sex on Tinder, but ultimately, it’s not an app you should take super seriously. There are more matches that await, with less headaches and drama. Move on.

Granted, it’s a little different for me because I’m traveling, but as soon as I leave a place, I go through and basically unmatch everyone. Even those I had a “date” with—unless they’re in fact someone I would travel with in the future. Out of hundreds of matches, I’m still matched with maybe 5% of them.

In Closing

It once again boils down to being yourself. Their messaging with you, should confirm for them what’s stated in your profile and what you’re seeking. Don’t waste yours and their time.